family health

We resisted letting our son cry at all for his first 9 months. We had gotten the book out of the library when he was younger, but I didn't have the heart to let him cry. His problem was feedings-he continued to wake up hungry every 3-4 hours all night long. We tried everything - cereal before bedtime, family bed, etc., but nothing worked. When, at his 9 month checkup, we told his doctor about the feedings, the doctor said it was absolutely unnecessary, and recommended the Ferber method. We followed Ferber's advice for weaning him off the middle of the night feedings, and it worked quite well. It took a little less than a week, and he only cried for about 2 hours TOTAL during that whole week. He now sleeps 8-10 hours straight.

He still doesn't nap well (we haven't tried to "Ferberize" his naps), but at least he is getting some good sleep at night.

It was hard to listen to him cry, but I realized this is just the first of many times as a parent that I will have be firm in the interest of his well being. It's my responsibility as a parent to keep him healthy and safe, and sleep is part of being healthy. We give him lots of extra hugs and kisses when he's awake, to make up for it!

One word of advice-everyone in the house has to agree to the plan of action BEFORE night starts. Although we committed to trying the plan for a week, we did start to have doubts during some of the nights (even 5 minutes of crying at 2AM can seem like an eternity). There were some tense moments between my husband and myself when one of us wanted to call the whole thing off, but we got through.

All three of us are much happier now that we are getting a good night's sleep.

Even if you disagree with this book's program, it's worth a read. There is a great deal of valuable information on how babies sleep, and the theory of sleep associations and how they relate to a baby's sleep patterns is convincing -- especially if you're a mother for whom this program worked.

On the other hand, this book desperately needs updating, especially as relates to breastfeeding. It's really meant for formula-fed infants who sleep in cribs in their own rooms. And the book rarely differentiates between 3-mo olds, 9-mo olds and 3-yr olds! Moreover, there is no information on how to maintain the good habits once you've "done" the program, which would have been useful.

There is at base an unbridgeable chasm between Ferber and William Sears, the renowned advocate of "attachment parenting." Sears claims that by not responding to a crying baby at night, you teach your baby that mommy is unresponsive. That the baby who doesn't cry at night has "given up." And that attachment can suffer as a result. (He even states that "Ferberized" children do continue to cry out frequently at night, but that their desensitized parents do not hear them.) Ferber claims that you can teach your baby that you are still "there," but that your brief visits are not worth all the crying. Ultimately the baby learns to go back to sleep readily on his or her own.

Until the book is updated, I recommend that parents familiarize themselves with both Ferber AND Sears, and then feel their way along. Many of my friends, like myself, practiced attachment parenting "by the book" for 6 months. Then, as the baby's increasing activity and alertness made this impossible, found varying degrees of success with "Ferberization." Flexibility and sensitivity to the baby are key.

I was very skeptical about the Ferber method. I bought various books about sleep and I tried different techniques to get my baby to fall asleep without crying it out. He always had a tough time getting to sleep, except in the car. Night time was the worst, he would cry for an hour or so, no matter how much I tried to comfort him. He never fell asleep at the breast or with a bottle, even as a newborn, and so I spent months trying to figure out a way to help him drift to sleep easily.

I finally gave in and really gave the Ferber method my full commitment. My baby boy was about 6 months at the time and he did not fall asleep without any crying on the third night like I was hoping. However, the crying did decrease and we experimented with different bedtime routines, until we found the one that seemed to relax him the most. Every once in awhile he still cries a little before drifting off to dream land, but for you Mother's out there struggling with guilt that I know you have, your child will wake up a happier baby in the morning if he gets the sleep he needs. Your baby won't resent you and it is much better that you teach them how to fall asleep on their own then struggle with nap time and bed time every day. Take it from a Mom that resisted the Ferber method for months, it works and my son and I are both much happier and less stressed about sleep time. :)