Twain was the funniest American who ever lived. His satire puts him on par with Voltaire, Wilde, Shaw, and Sinclair Lewis. Imagine the five of them under the same roof! Twain's cynicism is similar to Nietzsche's.
This small book has 357 quotes by Twain, 16 of which I have here for sampling:
"The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials." (p. 2)
"Be good and you will be lonesome." (p. 9)
"We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read." (p. 20)
"There has been only one Christian. They caught and crucified him-early." (p. 24)
"[The preacher]never charged nothing for his preaching, and it was worth it, too." (p. 26)
"Honesty is the best policy-when there is money in it." (p. 33)
"You want to be very careful about lying; otherwise you are nearly sure to get caught." (p. 35)
"A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." (p. 35)
"It is more trouble to make a maxim than to do right." (p. 40) "In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards." (p. 41)
"I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but its never happened yet." (p. 46)
"Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved." (p. 48)
"The English are mentioned in the Bible; Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." (p. 48)
"Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform." (p. 50)
"I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have got so much more of it." (. 51)
"I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself." (p. 52)
"Put all your eggs in one basket and-WATCH THAT BASKET." (p. 55)
a recommended collection....
Rating: 5/5
...of spicy quotations by the master of words and wit. Gives sources too. Very enjoyable reading.
This small book has 357 quotes by Twain, 16 of which I have here for sampling:
"The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials." (p. 2)
"Be good and you will be lonesome." (p. 9)
"We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read." (p. 20)
"There has been only one Christian. They caught and crucified him-early." (p. 24)
"[The preacher]never charged nothing for his preaching, and it was worth it, too." (p. 26)
"Honesty is the best policy-when there is money in it." (p. 33)
"You want to be very careful about lying; otherwise you are nearly sure to get caught." (p. 35)
"A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." (p. 35)
"It is more trouble to make a maxim than to do right." (p. 40)
"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards." (p. 41)
"I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but its never happened yet." (p. 46)
"Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved." (p. 48)
"The English are mentioned in the Bible; Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." (p. 48)
"Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform." (p. 50)
"I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have got so much more of it." (. 51)
"I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself." (p. 52)
"Put all your eggs in one basket and-WATCH THAT BASKET." (p. 55)