I've finally brought myself to post the beginning of one of my stories
Under the cover of night a boy entered Telisha. Keeping to the shadows he made it to the castle of Lord Falon. From his shoulder a small figure crawled through an opening that lead to the banquet hall. A few moments later a door leading to the kitchen opened and the figure returned to the boy's shoulder. Like a shadow the boy moved from room to room until he saw what he had been looking for. This was it, if he could get out safely he would become part of the Rogue. As he grabbed the infamous Golden Finch he heard a faint step behind him. Slowly he turned to find himself staring into the crystal eyes of Kathline, the beautiful daughter of Lord Falon.
so what do you all think
Abandoned Forum
A forum for the mentally unstable, or unusually weird.
a story
Moderator: Hatter Police
43 posts
• Page 1 of 3 • 1, 2, 3
-
Pimienta - Pretty Inspired Hatter
- Posts: 2785
- Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 9:13 pm
- Location: who's asking
by Pimienta on Fri Sep 23, 2005 11:16 pm
ok
Right then he realized he had been caught. Before another thought crossed his mind, he had pulled her into his arms and covered her mouth. He could never get away unless he took her but he also knew that her struggles would wake the whole household so with one graceful movement he knocked her out and slung her over his shoulder. And he left just as secretly as he had come.
He made his way out of Telish and into the forest beyond. Once he was a safe distance from the town he laid her down near a stream and splashed cold water on her face. Slowly she came out of her slumber. It took her a while to recall who she was with but once she remembered, she bagan her demands, "I demand that I be returned at once and when we return you will be hanged for this."
All the boy did was sit silently. She was appalled at his silence and once again spoke,"Well have you nothing to say for yourself or are you just a mute? If you don't take me back the I will return myself." at that she began to walk away.
Right then he realized he had been caught. Before another thought crossed his mind, he had pulled her into his arms and covered her mouth. He could never get away unless he took her but he also knew that her struggles would wake the whole household so with one graceful movement he knocked her out and slung her over his shoulder. And he left just as secretly as he had come.
He made his way out of Telish and into the forest beyond. Once he was a safe distance from the town he laid her down near a stream and splashed cold water on her face. Slowly she came out of her slumber. It took her a while to recall who she was with but once she remembered, she bagan her demands, "I demand that I be returned at once and when we return you will be hanged for this."
All the boy did was sit silently. She was appalled at his silence and once again spoke,"Well have you nothing to say for yourself or are you just a mute? If you don't take me back the I will return myself." at that she began to walk away.
Last edited by Pimienta on Sat Sep 24, 2005 12:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
-
Pimienta - Pretty Inspired Hatter
- Posts: 2785
- Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 9:13 pm
- Location: who's asking
-
Pimienta - Pretty Inspired Hatter
- Posts: 2785
- Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 9:13 pm
- Location: who's asking
by Pimienta on Fri Sep 23, 2005 11:44 pm
here's the next bit
He put out his arm to stop her. For the first time she looked at him and realized that he was only about eighteen years old, only a little younger than herself. For a moment her determined eyes locked onto his eyes. She saw something that might have been a plea but a secone later she caught sight of movement just beyond him. She watched a shadowy figure make its way toward them and climb to the boy's shoulder where it dropped a small cloth bag into the boy's hand. The figure was a creature the size of a house cat with grey fur and black markings around it's eyes that resembled a mask.
He put out his arm to stop her. For the first time she looked at him and realized that he was only about eighteen years old, only a little younger than herself. For a moment her determined eyes locked onto his eyes. She saw something that might have been a plea but a secone later she caught sight of movement just beyond him. She watched a shadowy figure make its way toward them and climb to the boy's shoulder where it dropped a small cloth bag into the boy's hand. The figure was a creature the size of a house cat with grey fur and black markings around it's eyes that resembled a mask.
-
Pimienta - Pretty Inspired Hatter
- Posts: 2785
- Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 9:13 pm
- Location: who's asking
Writing short sentences.
by nil on Tue Sep 27, 2005 4:00 am
I would think shorter is better. A good writer is one who can talk much with few words. But as long as you enjoy writing and others enjoy reading your work, that's what count. So write more. 
...
- nil
- Hatmaster
- Posts: 1305
- Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2005 6:34 am
- Location: Canada
by Pimienta on Wed Sep 28, 2005 9:24 pm
Bomadeno wrote:You *could* amke some of the sentence a bit longer...
It's good, but with the short sentences it doesn't quite flow. Tub otherwise good
Thank you for your advise
I am starting to edit it
-
Pimienta - Pretty Inspired Hatter
- Posts: 2785
- Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 9:13 pm
- Location: who's asking
43 posts
• Page 1 of 3 • 1, 2, 3
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests