I am writing a story. Feel free to comment.

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I am writing a story. Feel free to comment.

Postby Bomadeno on Sat May 28, 2005 10:44 am

As Theo looked across the open moor, a sharp wind bit into his neck, and he tucked his head deeper into his batter old coat. He shivered, and his teeth chattered like ice in an empty glass.
As he surveyed the brutal scene, a sharp scraping noise came from over his right shoulder. He turned to the source of the noise, and saw a grand oak, naked and leafless in the winter wind.
Theo stepped towards the tree's base, and placed his hand on the bark. He felt the age of the tree flowing though his palm, and also a deep pain within its ancient heart. He massaged the gnarled bark, and looked up into the high branches.
Theo leaped back as he saw the two red eyes glimmering in the spur of the tree, his heart racing and beads of sweat foriming on his frozen forehead. His right hand moved down to his sword Draneecia, and started to remove it from its battered leather sheath. The cold steel slid silently across the surface of the leather and teh pommel stone glistened a deep ruby red.
Sword drawn, Theo placed his legs far apart and braced himself against the giant shadowy creature above him. As the red eyes blinked, the beast opened its mouth to reveal bloodened teeth and, its breath turned to steam in the cold air.
It unfurled its majestic, terrifying wings, and let out a piercing screech which cut straight to Theo's quaking heart. Theo braced against the floor as the creature flaaped upwards a few feet, and then came lunging down upon him with ferocious speed.
Theo barely had time to blink, whe a flash of brilliant cold light lanced out from his sword and transfixed the monster through it's dark heart. The blade quivered in Theo's hands, and he struggled to keep it held tight in his grasp. The huge beast let out a second ear piercing scream, flapped it's giant wings twice, and collapsed to the floor in front of Theo's feet. Theo's blade became quiet again, he stood stunned, looking at the gentl glow eminating from it's ruby stone. He adjusted his grip on the handle, and returned the blade to it's sheath with another silent sliding motion.

As Theo turned his back on the hideous wreck, he heard a humming noise eminate from it's chest. He turned around on his heel, and started to return to the animal. As he got closer, he saw that from under the blackened chest a mysterious green light was eminating, and pulsing in a mesmerising way. He started to heave teh beast over onto it's back, and after a few minutes finally managed to roll the dead weight.
In the centre of the chest the beasts skin was resonating, so Theo carefully drew his blade and made an incision across the creature's body. As the folds of blackened foul skin peeled back the light got brighter, until Theo could see it's source. He reached his hand inside ---
Last edited by Bomadeno on Tue May 31, 2005 8:37 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Postby Pimienta on Sat May 28, 2005 10:11 pm

it was beautiful
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Postby Cherokee_girl on Tue May 31, 2005 8:16 pm

I liked it seeing as I am a writer myself. But I have some questions.
~~Is Theo going to talk?
~~How can he brace against the floor is he's looking over an open moor?
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Postby nowhere man on Tue May 31, 2005 8:21 pm

I like the name theo. Whenever i try to make stories i can never think of a satisfactory name and then i give up....
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Postby Bomadeno on Tue May 31, 2005 8:38 pm

Theo might talk. Generally people talking in my stories ruins them.
He isn't looking out across the moor when he braces himself, he's anticipating an attack from big ugly beast monster.

Naming characters IS hard... Mine often end up cheesey.
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Postby Cherokee_girl on Tue May 31, 2005 8:50 pm

I like theo too. Most of my names are long, like Isabella or Alexander(most take place in the past with magic.)
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Postby trumpetprodigy on Tue May 31, 2005 9:47 pm

I am writing a story, and my main characters name is Theodric. That is Theo, plus odric.
"Birthdays are healthy for you. Statistics show that people who have more of them, live longer."
To Victory, and Beyond!!!
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Postby Pimienta on Tue May 31, 2005 9:49 pm

well if theo doesn't talk it doesn't mean it's a bad story
maybe you could make him a mute
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Postby Cherokee_girl on Tue May 31, 2005 9:56 pm

he could be a mute, but talking could add to your story if you can do it right. But then again you could have problems like I do sometimes and put the story down (meaning to pick it back up) and then leave it to decay in a corner somewhere.
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Postby Bomadeno on Tue May 31, 2005 10:11 pm

My biggest trouble is getting the punstuation right. And the fact they all talk.. like me. Not like the character.
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Postby Pimienta on Tue May 31, 2005 10:13 pm

that's the hardest part is giving your characters a personality by the way they talk
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Postby Cherokee_girl on Wed Jun 01, 2005 8:13 pm

That is hard; you may want them to be one way, but they start talking and they end up with a different persona than you wanted.
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Postby Guest on Wed Jun 01, 2005 9:29 pm

Very true. My advice, as a proffessional author, is to create your character first, decide how he acts, how he thinks, how he looks, etc. Then you may write your story, and he will act by himself. You just create the situations.
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Postby Cherokee_girl on Wed Jun 01, 2005 10:12 pm

I wish that Guest^ will come back and register. I would like to know some of their books so I may read them.
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Postby Bomadeno on Wed Jun 01, 2005 10:13 pm

They might not be published :idea:

Guest should certainly come back!
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