Abandoned Forum

[Astarte]

Found at http://www.adultswim.com

Laws of Anime.

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity - The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation - Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics - In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion - In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion - The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

#6 - Law of Temporal Variability - Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality - 'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality - It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis - Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

#10 - Law of Dramatic Multiplicity - Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

#11 - Law of Inherent Combustibility - Everything explodes. Everything.

First Corollary -
Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary -

Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

#12 - Law of Phlogistatic Emission - Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13 - Law of Energetic Emission - There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#14 - Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude - The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

#15 - Law of Inexhaustibility - No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16 - Law of Inverse Accuracy - The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Storm trooper Effect) Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary -

The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary -

Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary -

Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.

#17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability - Minmei is a bimbo.

#18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity - The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

#19 - Law of Demonic Consistency - Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt bladed weapons.

#20 - Law of Militaristic Unreliability - Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
First Corollary -

Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.

#21 - Law of Tactical Unreliability - Tactical geniuses aren't....

#22 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability - People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality - Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

#24 - Law of Americanthropomorphism - Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.

First Corollary -
The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect)

Second Corollary -
The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

#25 - Law of Mandibular Proportionality - The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

#26 - Law of Feline Mutation
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
1) be female
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any


#27 - Law of Conservation of Firepower - Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

#28 - Law of Technological User-Benevolence - The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

#29 - Law of Melee Luminescence - Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

#30 - Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism - All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31 - Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability - Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

#32 - Law of Follicular Permanence - Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

#33 - Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
*ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

#34 - Law of Probable Attire - Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).

Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear a long cloaks that don't hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.

First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) -
All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) -


Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

#35 - Law of Musical Omnipotence - Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on...especially if they have never attempted these things before.

#36 - Law of Quintupular Agglutination - Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:

1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute
5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:

1) Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation

#37 - Law of Extradimensional Capacitance - All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.

First Corollary (a.k.a. The Hammer Rule) -
The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

#38 - Law of Hydrostatic Emission - Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

#39 - Law of Inverse Attraction - Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get, and vice versa.

First Corollary - Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

#40 - Law of Nasal Sanguination -When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

#41 - Law of Xylolaceration - Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

#42 - Law of Juvenile Omnipotence - Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

#43 - Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia - There is no Law #43.

#44 - Law of Nominative Clamovocation - The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

#45 - Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis - Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

#46 - Law of Flimsy Incognition - Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives

#47-Law of woman power - No matter how strong a guy is he can all ways be beat up by the woman he loves.



Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did!

[TheCountess]

LOL

Ah, that's brilliant

[Cherokee_girl]

I like number 47!!

[Astarte]

# 48: giant robotic aliens can only be defeated by Japanese schoolgirls wearing short skirts, the shorter the skirt, the more powerful the Japanese schoolgirl.
Corollary 1: they will all flash their panties at some point.



I was told that one was missing. So now, all's well with the world!

[GoodGrief]

Lol!!!!! Now I want to watch Sailor Moon. Curse you Astarte! Curses! Curses! *wanders off to the video rental place*

[thesinofmylips]

i watch shaman king, ravemaster and avatar the legend of aang.
they're so cool.

Shaman King is about a boy with a shaman power, Yoh Asakura, who wanted to become a king of shaman.

Yoh Asakura might look like a layback Junior High School kid. However, he is a shaman with a special ability to communicate with all the souls and spirits and possess them into his body! Yoh came to Funbari, Tokyo to make friends with all of the powerful ghosts and to become the best Shaman ever.
ravemaster:
50 years ago a war was fought between the forces of the Rave and the powers of the Shadow Stones. In the final battle, Shiba, the first Rave Master, and his companion Plue believed that they had vanquished the Shadow Stones forever. But they had underestimated the resilience of the Shadow Stones, unleashing the explosive power of the Overdrive and destroying one-tenth of the world. And the Raves were scattered to hidden locales across the globe ...

... until one fateful day, in the idyllic environs of Garage Island, Haru Glory fishes the strange dog-like animal Plue from the sea. And the old warrior Shiba must pass his massive Decaforce Sword on to a new Rave Master. So begins Haru's journey to find the lost Raves and save the world from the evil Shadow Guard.

But Haru will not be alone on his fantastic adventures. He'll be joined by Elie, a spunky girl on a quest of her own -- to discover the mystery of her forgotten past. And Plue, the little hero who knows more than he can say about the whereabouts of the missing Raves, will guide them - a little haphazardly - on their fateful quests. Together, they will journey through awesome new worlds, encountering a vast array of both friends and enemies as they seek to fulfill the duties of the Rave Master.
Three heroes. Two quests. One destiny.
avatar the legend of aang:
In a lost age,
power is balanced among 4 great nations, water, earth, fire, air.
An order made up of men and women lead each nation.
These masters possess the ability to manipulate their native element. They call themselves waterbenders, earthbenders, firebenders, airbenders.
The most powerful bender in the world is the avatar, the spirit of the planet incarnate.
he alone masters all four elements and maintains world order.

Disaster strikes...
...When the current avatar dies, taking advantage of the opportunity, the fire nation's leader launches a global war. is goal-eliminate the water, earth and air nations so that fire nation may rule for eternity.

100 yrs later
With the world on the brink of global domination a young girl and her brother living on the south pole make an amazing discovery, enclosed within an iceberg for a 100yrs a 12 yrs old boy has miraculously survived
waking up hungry for food and adventure, the boy reveals himself as the avatar. but will this irresponsible kid except his destiny in time to save the world.

[nil]

Having live for so long, I can shed some light on the history of animations.

In the pre-historical time (around 70s)...
The animations in the 70s all involved giant robots (the giant robots all need real time assembly a.k.a. transformation). They were kind of like the Transformers.

There were also the Ultra-man, the "power rangers" (Japanese version) and the Godzilla. They are not really animations because they all have real person inside.

In the ancient time (around 80s)...
The 80s was the age of Gun-dams. The stories had evolved. The robots don't need to wait the last moment to kill their enemies. And some good robots can also be destroyed (not the main character, of course). I would say the early 80s was the height of the giant robot age. Macross also came around that time.

In the renaissance (around 90s)...
There are more funny animations... like "Dr Slump" "Dragon Ball" (not Dragon Ball Z).

In the modern age (around the millenium)...
The animation had finally spread to the western world...
first the Transformers
then the Power Rangers
then Dragon Balls
then Gundam
then Pokemons & Digimons
and then Inuyasha , and then shaman king
(even when they spread in the west, they kind of following the order they evolve in Asia)

Here's some important milestones of some Japanese animations:
Astro Boy
Ultra man
Doraemo
Galaxy Express 999
Gundam
Macross
Original Dr. Slump
Original Dragon Ball (not Dragon Ball Z which is ...)

But they are all ancient history now...

[Rei]

Yes, if the skirt is short, the power is mighty!!! But if the skirt is completely absent the school girl may beat many a foe and not even miss the date with her friends at Tokyo Tower!!!!!! Mwa-ha-ha!!!!! *A little info picked up from Rayearth!*

Loves and laterness,
Konoki Rei