Abandoned Forum

[Insanity test]

Hi. I love to write poetry, but have no chance to try and get any seen! I would like to know your opionions.

Here is one I wrote about chatting on MSN messenger:

THE HASH

Be it winter or summer, calm and bright,
Or tearing the heavens asunder with dastardly might,
We shall meet in this place to chat, and talk
Of better times when tall we could walk.

Through divergent ramblings old and new,
With perambulating difference of subject, false or true,
We have sternly battled wits with friend and foe
Seeking absolution for those full of woe.

We wile away the tedious hours with anecdotal frippery
Whilst absent-mindedly ticking off the hours to tele-visual comedy
The endless nights, and tedious days of working on phrases past
Will melt away in forgotten mist of a different world we lost.

Occasionally fate will throw the die, and turn up an extra pawn
To join the jumble of words and meanings with metaphorical thorn
We shall mock, praise, advise and plunder with relish and free from guilt
Without mercy strip of all self built shelter, in a mass of scorning lilt.

Yet kindness too can enter in, in its place when all is lost
To aid and support those driven to despair, in situations of great cost.
Our duplicity in fact and contrived obscurity, can mask a soul of peace
But once the fact is done and over, we’ll return with mockery to release.

In this endless, swirling whirlpool of text and repartee,
We search for some kind of solace, in the mundane mug of tea
But no sooner do we leave this commune and look to other places
Than we are relentlessly, irresistibly drawn back, like dogs to familiar faces

All this in great anticipation of some great common goal
Prowling about with trepidation, searching for a hole
While desperately striving, testing the other with many a quipish lash,
All is met in common worship of the all commanding HASH.

Does anyone else write poems? I would love to see them.

[nowhere man]

very good. Its good to read poetry about small things that dont realy matter that mutch. very good

[nil]

I think your poem is very good. You make something that's not at all poetic (i.e. msn chat) sounds very poetic...

On the first part, your words are confident and strong. Then it gets a bit muddy. For example:

We search for some kind of solace, in the mundane mug of tea

can be written as we search for solace, in the mundane mug of tea. You are a poet, not a journalist. So make your words strong and subjective. Intimidate your reader, make them worship you...

[Math_nerd]

My dad wrote a hiku about earthworms:

Our friend the earthworm
How does he ever get clean?
He washes in dirt.

My little brother had to write a report on earthworms in the form of a poem, so my dad made one for him. My brother didn't use it though.....

[nowhere man]

why not? thats a great hiku. You father is a poetic genuios!!!!!!

[Math_nerd]

I wouldn't say that, I that is one of my favorites.

[Insanity test]

Ahh its great. I like Hikus.

(to nil) Yeah i always had trouble with that line. I cant remember what it was before, but it was even less rhymic. Trouble is i wanted to incoorperate the mundane, and liked the above line ending in repartee, but it was difficult to think of a convincing rhyme that flowed well.

[Insanity test]

Thank you for your comments!

Its nice to have pple to bounce ideas off.

Keep the poems coming!

[nil]

A poet emphasizing too much on rhythm is like an artist trying too hard to make his drawing a photograph.

Is a poem just about sounding good? Is a painting just about looking real?

Fishbowl and gold fish, which one is more important?

[Math_nerd]

Haven't you evr read HGttG? The fish bowl of course!

[Insanity test]

A poem without rhythm is like a tree without leaves. You can see the shape and marvel at its complexity, but can never experiance its full potential.

Actually poems can work without rhythm, it depends on the poem. But mine had started with it and a single line suddenly bereft of it would be like hiccupping mid song.

[princess]

i thought the poem and the haiku were excellent! though i don't understand what it had to do with hash? Anyway i hope you're going to write more of them here for us to read.

here is one of my haikus. i think its kinda cute.



Little chicken beak
Pecking ever at the ground
quickly does it eat.

[Insanity test]

lol, well hash refers to the fact that we kept accidetly hitting it just before enter because they're next to each other on the keyboard, and we decided that whenever this was done we had to write '######!!!HASH!!!######'

But a hash also means A mixture of mangled and incongruous fragments; a medley; a spoiled mixture; a mess, jumble (thankyou Oxford English Dictionary online). So it has multiple meanings.

Im glad pple like my poems! I have a few more if people would like to read them.

[princess]

ooooh now i get it.

Hey...u forgot the most bestest meaning of all! the smokable stuff!

[Insanity test]

lol, never tried it im afraid and probably wont.
But im mad enough to begin with, it would probably melt a hole in the fabric of reality if i were to try it.

In order to prove this, here is a mad poem:

The Horrifying Tale of the People Made of Food.

This is a tale of death and disaster,
And warning for those made of food.
For when some haven't eaten, their morals are beaten
And they eat all, and more than they should.

I shall regale you one story which might turn your blood
So be silent, attentive and sure.
It concerns a young couple made of food warm and supple
That their families could pass up no more.

The Groom was made of potato bread,
the Bride was of melted cheese,
So, when hungry just after, while drunken with laughter,
they dipped him in her as they pleased.

The vicar protested at the way they digested
as they tucked into their tasty meal,
but noticed with horror, the food on his platter
And promptly lost all of his zeal.

The papers were outraged, and put it on front page
when they heard of this grizzly tale,
But when family of both persons came over with leftovers
The editors arguments became pale.

So remember you must, when after your lust
You’ve chosen your partner to be,
Be wary and canny, and when dealing with family,
Don’t let them take her out for a meal.


Let that be a lesson to you.